so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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