The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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