I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
