she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
