Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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