I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
