Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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