Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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