Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
