Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
