I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
