He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
