Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
