Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
