Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
