did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
