Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
