I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The feeling are messing with the penis
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
