apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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