i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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