I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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