We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
