i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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