nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
