Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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