I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this boner is exhausting
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
