i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
