I hope mine doesn't look like that
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
