dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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