distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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