Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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