we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
only you would photoshop your dick
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
