I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
