Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
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I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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