I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
