Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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