Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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