i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
