Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
