Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
