she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
