btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
