how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
