U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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