the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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