she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
