Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
