He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
