THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
