she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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