Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
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The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
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I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So here I am, sexting at work.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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