you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
