I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
