Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
