Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
