Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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