His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
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and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
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I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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