My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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