What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
