we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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