I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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