I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This is not my ceiling
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
