So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
