I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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