Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
