420 ftw
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
