dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
