I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
