I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize