Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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