I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
