I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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