Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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