a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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