Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
