I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
