I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
