I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
