SEEEEXXX PLEASE
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize