I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
