I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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